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My mental journal

A person standing on a rock with arms outstretched, overlooking a vast green landscape and mountains under a blue sky dotted with clouds.

My mental health issues have always hovered in the background. It shows itself in ways that only God can explain. It comes & goes with various levels of anger & often disappears, leaving no trail or one with collateral destruction. I accept its demands, I suffer its torments & i accept pain is only around the corner & often sustained. Only we know how we feel & whether or not facing the world is possible. We have various ways of dealing with it. Some of us go into our shell, others try & laugh it off, while some use suicide as a way out. What ever action you take, there is help out there. Should you choose to visit a therapist, take up meditation as a hobby or take up golf, you always feel you are being chased. Every journey is different, its not a case of one size fits all. Should you feel the urge to talk then please , i am here & you are not alone.

Knock Knock

I received a knock on my door this morning from the grim reaper. I got in the shower and collapsed reminding me that no matter how hard I fight my demons, they are always on my tail. Don’t let your medical health control you as getting a single bus ticket often leads to misery.

delve a little deeper

This website should hopefully refresh your memory & create the motivation you need to take hold of your life & fix any bug bears you may have regarding mental health. Whether its your own or a family mebers, “LOOK NO FURTHER”

manchester marathon

Congratulations to all runners who took part in the Manchester Marathon today. Many of us sit there by our windows thinking, I wish i could do that. The fact is, we can all do it if we are in the right state of mind. City life, the global pandemic, stress & mental health are the driving forces behind our actions, so as much as we have to praise the mental & physical strength of these athletes we must also appreciate the ones who are less fortunate. I don’t just mean the aforementioned, I am talking about the ones who have disabilities both mental & physical. I am one of the fortunate bunch who works with these people & have become humble in my thoughts & actions towards them. As I do not want to dwell too much on how lucky I am to not only work with these guys but learn from them also. I do however want to raise awareness. If you see any of them out, say hi or even a smile should suffice. This post of course is not intended as a lecture & my apologies go out to those who have read it that way. My intention is purely to help anyone feeling stressed or having a panic attack, that “Are things really that bad”.

choices

Choices made can determine our mood regularly. In life we make choices based on intuition and circumstances. After reflection of the choices made, there soon follows a feeling of dread or anxiety. This is common for people suffering from depression because we often feel that the alternative choice in the scenario would have been the safer option. It’s always after the horse has bolted from the stable that this decision turns the screw either way. One thing i have learned on my spiritual journey is that decisions made are final lets face it, if we live by the sword we must also die by it. Acceptance of choices made is in a way prioritising our mental and physical tasks. It allows us to continue to focus on the present moment or the job in hand without worry or remorse of decisions/actions made on the spur of the moment. Please forgive me if it sounds like i have found the answer to all of my/your anxiety issues but every step to clarity and understanding is one small step for mankind. Only those who have found clarity or those on the road to it can feel the benefits of the journey in hand but all who are suffering whilst reading this post, PLEASE bear with me.

too many choices

Directions can be organised or set. If we set a direction it means we then have to stick to it to avoid inner frustration or potential anger. The purpose of travel is one of freedom but we must be prepared for outside obstructions or failure will often create tension and unease leading to conflict. What drives me is the knowledge that I am making a difference to people’s lives in a positive way and if that goal is not achieved then what other reason is there for me to be here. I know I probably annoy people with my foolish talk but my intentions are forever honourable, if you know me personally then I’m sure you would verify this fact. My purpose is to walk and not trample, talk and not manipulate and coexist without fear of anxiety.

a daily check

A daily check on your progress can come in the form of many things. Meditation & Mindfulness are only a few. If you are not at the stage of performing any of these yet, then they can seem quite daunting to the mere mortal soul.
The body scan is a good way to set yourself up for the day. This is a task we can all perform to ensure our focus is where it should be. Try this when your mind is at its most active. Can you perform this action in your current state? If the answer is Yes then turn down the tv & put your phone on silent.
To begin take up a position on your bed. Sit upright on a chair. where you can feel the floor/carpet under your feet. Then close your eyes & clear your mind. Starting with your feet, draw your attention to them. Feeling all the sensations on the soles/between the toes/on your ankles & on the sides. Concentrate on your feet for around five minutes or so. Then move your attention to your legs. Then your midrift, then arms, then back, then front, then finally your head. If you find your attention starts to wonder, then focus again on the part of the body you are focusing on & that should bring you back to ground level.
Once you have finished this drill you may or may not feel better. You may think that this was a useless exercise. If this you, just think what else would you be doing in that twenty or so minutes. My guess is that your thoughts would have been doing somersaults. Which bills do i pay first, how do i feed the children & when is my next paycheque coming in.
We spend most of our time worrying about things don’t we. Can we control these negative thoughts, no i don’t believe we can initially. I say initially because i have learned how to prioritise my worrying & to put them into categories. Things i can control i need not worry about, as actions eliminate negative thinking. Things i can’t control are exactly that. When you reach this goal you will know.

consolidation is key

With my job being so incredibly satisfying, this helps me to stay grounded. Not getting over excited when things go well and not beating myself up when things don’t go my way is paramount in my battle for clarity. I am inspired by many people I work with, ones I wouldn’t want to mention to degrade the others that do not. I take everyone at face value regardless of their social standards, sexual orientation or skin colour but that’s mainly because I do not want over engage with my own thoughts and keeping my body in sync rather than the alternative, which is one of social anxiety. I don’t claim to have all the answers but I can answer my own questions with honesty and integrity. I have learned to embrace my problems without much deliberation knowing that my world can come crashing down in the blink of an eye. I am blessed with a wonderful family and great friends who make me truly thankful to be who I am today. All that I ask is to remain healthy so I can continue to work and help those less fortunate than myself.

expressions

Generally my posts are about raising awareness of spirituality attempting to help people deal with depression & anxiety but today’s post is going to be different.
I would like to talk today about expressions. These come in many forms, normally they are considered by many to be necessary to create balance in ones life as a factory reset on your mobile device is considered the alternative. To find peace in life is easy for some as constant learning is considered to be the first port of call hence my motto “With Knowledge Comes Power”. Studying however when an anxiety attack is imminent is of course impossible as the physical implications alone can interfere with your logic. I would say that these expressions come in many ways/forms which are foreign to most of us, they come in the form of panic attacks, seizures, memory loss & disorientation. These expressions are more common than you think hence why most of the people reading this blog suffer from disorders of this kind. “Its okay” to feel this way when a compromising situation is looming. The after effects of these episodes clear the blockages in your breathing channels, allowing a factory reset of your senses important for peace of mind.
To all those who are suffering out there through the cost of living crisis & general depression be resilient in your suffering & your mental outbursts as these may be your only sanctuary. With every expression that encapsulates your inner feelings there is a sense of knowledge & understanding as the mental hold this expression has on you slowly but surely disintegrates as experiences dampen the so called after effects. It is my goal to help people find themselves & others close to us. We can all play our part in achieving this goal by accepting peoples expressions with a pinch of salt & not judging them through our own blurred vision. My brother is my inspiration to this post, if you find inspiration here then please let us know!

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